Saturday, November 27, 2010

Past Lives and Rosaries

Not long after I moved to the East Coast I had another "memory"; a full blown "vision" of being in a past life.  In the vision I was a young girl, probably early to mid-teens, a scullery maid working in the kitchens of a land baron somewhere in Europe - I'm not sure of the time period however, I looked up castle pictures on the internet and found one in Belarus (Lida Castle) that gives me a shiver when I look at it...

Not the good kind of shiver either... this castle was  built in the 14th century, which would be congruous with the era in which I "feel" this life took place... (and I’m not saying that this is the actual castle or geographical area that it took place it, it just reminds me of it) so maybe I was a little known "Joan of Arc" predecessor who just didn't get very far in her endeavors before she met her end - burning at the stake.  I really can't relate any memories of that particular lifetime that really seem synonymous with what Joan of Arc did in her "career" as it were. 

I do remember that the baron had a thing for me, of which his advances I rebuffed as best I could.  I'm nearly certain that I was beaten and raped multiple times while in the service of that particular person.  He was a madman, quite literally.  I can remember very clearly at one point exiting a section of hallway in one section of the wall that surrounded the castle, and heading across a mostly empty central courtyard to the one of the towers.  Once inside I did whatever it was that I had gone there to do... there was a loud commotion in the courtyard ... everyone left and went to where the commotion was coming from, except for me.  I stayed put for some reason.  Then I worked my way back around via inside corridors to where I had initially exited the wall to cross the courtyard (which as I recall, as a servant/slave was totally against the rules but I must have felt I could get away with it since no one was around). 

I think I must've forgotten something because I went to the same door to cross the courtyard again to go back to the tower, and there before me in the courtyard lay a veritable carnage... an utter blood bath.  The baron for some unknown reason, had ordered everyone to be slaughtered... hmmm.  The baron's guardsmen/men-at-arms saw me, but for some reason they just stood and stared at me as if they were seeing a ghost or something... maybe it was beyond their comprehension that anyone had escaped the slaughter... maybe they were too abashed at the thought that they'd missed one... but interestingly enough they let me go.  Horrified, I had to cross the courtyard again to get to where I could pass through the gate and escape... one of the guardsmen actually escorted me.  Cover in blood - yes it was that bad even just walking through it - I left the castle grounds. 

Fast forward to present day:

One morning this spring... probably in April or May (2010), after loving each other, Michael and I were lying side by side, very close, touching... he was on his side partly overlapping me as I lay on my back.  My arm was outstretched, palm open and facing up.  His hand was nestled partially closed in my open palm.  He pressed his lips up against my cheek and kissed me and then said in a very soft voice "Here, I wanted you to have this..." and then from his hand into my open palm I felt something materialize.  I could distinctly feel a string of beads laying neatly in my palm, all coiled up.  I sat up and opened my palm and holding onto one end of the string of beads let its length fall from my hand. 

It looked like a very old/antique rosary... or some kind of prayer beads.  Each bead was about 1cm across, round, and made out of some kind of light red colored stone... I wanted to say garnet, maybe... the string, doubled, hanging from my hand might have measured about 16 to 18 inches, and there was a rough hewn cross made of what looked like tortoise shell hanging from it.  Hmmm... okay well it didn't look like any rosary I'd ever seen before (it lacked all the little medals and spacer beads that are used in more modern rosaries; so you can keep your place while you're praying I guess you wouldn't want to say more than you need to now, LOL), yet I was nearly certain that this is what it was intended to be.  Why was he giving it to me?  I'd never prayed the rosary, well not since I was a little kid anyway... I looked at it and then I looked at him and I said, "This is really sweet and thoughtful of you, and I really appreciate the sentiment, but I don't now, nor have I ever really prayed the rosary."  I took it at put it over his head and hung it around his neck and I said "Maybe it would be better if you kept it for me..."  and he said, "No, I want you to have it.  I will go well with the other one I gave you."

Well, by this time I'm getting really confused ... what other one?  I insisted that he keep it, but he was very insistent also repeating "but it will go well with the other one I gave you..." he continued "It's yours, it belongs to you and I'm returning it to you".   Okay, it's mine, he's returning it to me and it will go well with the other one that he gave me???  So, I'm thinking really hard and trying to figure out what he's trying to tell me... I only have two rosaries - a red one that my best friend bought for me at an estate sale, and a blue one that I found.....

OH MY!  Yes, I remember the day that I found the other one... during the same time period that I was going through my separation and divorce (in the Spring of 1997 - 13 years prior)... I believe it was after the second time that I had asked Michael to leave and not to come back (for those of you who don't know this story, I'll be including it in my "About Me" section in the near future).  I was out shopping at the local mall to buy myself some new clothes because I had lost so much weight that my old clothes were literally falling off me.  It had rained that afternoon, and as I went back out to my car after I made my purchases, I saw something glinting on the pavement just outside my driver's side door.  I wasn't going to bother with it at first thinking that someone had discarded a piece of broken jewelry, or perhaps it had broken and fallen off the person and they never noticed.  But ever the treasure hunter that I am, I decided to take a closer look and there laying on the ground half in a puddle of water was this rosary.  

I picked it up.  It was completely intact.  I looked around but there weren't any cars or even people near my car.  And I thought that it was strange that anyone would just drop their rosary like that and not notice it... especially one like that.  The beads were little pale blue glass hearts each with a cross stamped in the middle of it, and a sterling silver crucifix hanging from it.... Yes... I remembered now.

I still have that rosary.  I didn't know what to think... I kind of still don't know what to think.  But there it is, plain as day.  What a precious relic.
This is the actual rosary that I found...
I asked Michael later about the antique one that he said he was returning to me, and he told me that during the lifetime that I described part of to you above, I had taken my one cherished possession - the garnet bead rosary with the tortoise shell cross - and had left it at a St. Michael shrine as an offering that my prayers for protection from the land baron would be answered... I guess it worked... Interestingly as I searched for photos of actual rosaries/and or reproductions of such from this era, I did come across a number of very simply stated ones that, like the one Michael tried to return to me, were made of largish beads (some of them had garnet beads) with no spacers; and also to note I had read that past the 13th century rosaries in general started becoming more and more elaborate, which would lend credence to the one that Michael had presented to me as being a cherished possession, possibly an old family heirloom…

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