Monday, November 22, 2010

Why Are We Even Here?

My thoughts are scattered… I can’t concentrate… I even have difficulty focusing on My Beloved or anything that he says to me… seems I’m more likely than not to fall asleep in mid-embrace these last few days. Admittedly, I’ve been a bit under the weather - fighting a nasty ear infection… my right ear is ringing like a thousand bells as I type this… but I don’t think that’s it. And that - the ear infection - is getting better…

I think that what it is, is that I’ve reached a point in my development where I need to make the conscious decision to move forward again. Since I haven’t, and I’m not, I’m standing still… spinning my wheels as it were.

But why haven’t I made that conscious decision to move forward again? Am I afraid to?… Yes, I’m afraid - that’s why… what am I afraid of though? I have no idea, and yet by the very admission that I have no idea, this in and of itself might imply that in fact I know very well why I’m afraid, but it’s such a deeply disturbing fear that I can’t even bring it to the surface to understand what it really is. Wow…

Michael would like me to spend more time with him… and yet even though I try, in trying to spend more time with him it seems that I’m even more scattered than ever. He told me that if I will make the effort, and spend more time with him then I’ll align to my Light Body more totally and then we can be “together” in a way that we both will perceive as “real”… I think I know what’s bothering me. I think that instinctively I understand that to reach “Light Body” is effectively to “cease to be” in this dimension…. and to me, to cease to be has always included some form of death of physical body… so okay… I’m afraid of dying…. and yet Michael says that it doesn’t have to be that way if I don’t want it to. Okay, well I’m confused, see there I admit it. I’m confused. I know that I have a “different” physical body - one that is attuned to 5D existence just waiting for me to step into it… if I want to. Of course, well I think anyway, I want to. I’ve always wanted to be with Michael the way I perceived my memories of him from so long ago… sort of a midway point between here and full Light Body. The ironic thing about all of this is that I understand that once I reach full Light Body again, I can do anything, I can be anyone or anything I want to be. I can fashion any kind of physical body for myself and look however I want, but I guess that the thing that is making me scared is that I don’t remember what that is like. I don’t remember. Why don’t I remember? Is it because I chose not to? If I chose not to, why did I choose not to? Was it a bad memory, or did I choose not too so that I wouldn’t have an unfair advantage over everyone else? Michael’s not telling me, so I’m thinking that like his identity, this is one of those things that I’m going to have to remember on my own.

Oh woe is me. Guess I’m gonna be stuck here for a while longer than I thought… “No you won’t Daan….” Michael comforts me with his words. But I feel utterly stuck, and kind of lost. Michael I know you’re here with me constantly; right here so close to me that I could reach out and touch you, and yet when I attempt such a thing even with my mind’s eye anymore, you shoot away from me like I’m trying to make a grab for a speck of dust floating across a sunbeam coming through a window… And even when I try to concentrate more on your essence as a force of Love energy I still can’t seem to grasp it.

I know that part of the problem in the past has been this concept of pain that I perceive because I feel I’m not fully with Michael… or at least my physical body doesn’t perceive his presence like my ethereal body (my mind’s eye) does. The anticipation of such pain causes me to want to avoid it and in avoiding the pain I must also avoid the source of the pain which, ironically, means that I must avoid being with Michael, which means avoiding the most important thing that I am here to perpetuate, and that is Love…. and so because I avoid Love, I leave myself open to fear… how convoluted is that?!

I guess what I really need to understand fully, once and for all, is that Michael is with me always. He is not just with me, but within me. In fact, and probably more accurately, he IS me. So, why is it that this bothers me? Is it the idea that we are One and the same Entity? Is it the idea that what I seem to have convinced myself of, that if we are indeed One and the same Entity, that maybe Michael doesn’t really exist at all, and it’s been just me all along? Well, then what does that imply, that I’m some kind of loony-tune or something? Michael says no, that it’s not my fear that because he IS me and therefore-I-must-be-crazy theory that causes the fear I have, but rather it is the notion I have of us never being able to experience each other as two separate entities if indeed we are actually One. But then I guess that in reality we Are All part of the One Great Singularity… and thus so all interconnected… and yet we are able to perceive of ourselves as being separate individuals… I guess, maybe I’ve been coerced inadvertently into fear of not being able to perceive myself as being an individual because so many in fact preach that it doesn’t matter … that to actively “seek” to perceive one’s self as “separate” would in fact imply that we seek to continue in our dualistic existence.

I think they forgot One thing however, and that Once again, Source seeks out as many diverse experiences as possible. In order to “perceive” these experiences as being unique and unto themselves, then doesn’t it stand to reason that some sort of perception of individuality is necessary for All the extensions of Source.

Otherwise, why are we even here?

Okay, so I’m feeling Michael’s essence coming back to me now. That intense feeling of Love Energy is once again flowing over me; through me… and I understand.

We can be whatever we want to be, because this is exactly what Source does, and whatever Source can do, we can do also, because we Are Source.

Okay, Michael. I’m back now… what was that next lesson you wanted me to work on…. ?

1 comment:

  1. And, you see, Beloved Ariel, with a little help from our "friend" (LOL) you ALWAYS find the answers, do you not? How blessed are you? How blessed are we ALL? Hugs and kisses to you and Michael from Zack and Amy.


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