Monday, May 16, 2011
I guess that my absence from my own blog deserves some explanation… though I don’t really have one, other than that I have been going through a period of internal growth.
It’s been painful at times… when the subject of your heart’s desire is indisposed ~ busy tending to an agenda that is so massive and magnanimous that it involves every last living breathing and non-breathing creature on the planet ~ it can make it a little difficult to function at any capacity, let alone carrying on my own “duties” as it were, for the longing at times. And though I write little notes to him, showing him little bits of evidence of my “progress”, I still find that I fall back into old patterns, old ways of being, even though I know now how I should be behaving. I’m still human, after all. We all are actually.
It takes a lot of determination and allowance all at the same time to Master and gain balance of the ego ~ which is the real goal… not to rid ourselves of or destroy the ego as some would profess we do; if we did that we would cease to exist, for it is in our ability to perceive a sense of self that we are most useful to our Creator Source. Our sense of self insures the maximum diversity of experience for Source, and that is after all why we have become extensions of Source to begin with… so that Source can experience Itself in as many different ways as possible – no two will ever be alike.
Well, yes, I do have a ways to go. I’m almost glad in a way because in whatever “time” there is left before my reunion with my Beloved, I will have something to put my concentration and efforts into, which in addition to my responsibility for Loving him, is to Love myself, which I will fully admit I don’t the way I should, but which is also essential to gaining balance of ego. Isn’t it nice how it all fits together like the pieces of some incredible puzzle, how all the pieces are so integral that when one falls into place, if the rest are poised just so, then they all fall into place in synchronicity with each other? This is one of the great mysteries of our existence, how, in doing nothing, and simply “allowing” All gets done. Now that doesn’t necessarily mean that we can get away with just laying it all down, but it means that we shouldn’t try to push the river either, unless you like the sensation of drowning in your own efforts as you try to swim upstream against the driving current.
Simply allowing everything to unfold is something that I have had difficulty accepting for a long, long time, much longer than the current incarnation which I am experiencing with you here now. THAT is a long story, but suffice it to say that I have a hard time just leaving well enough alone, and if I can’t be in there with my hand right in the mix of things then I’m fretting over how this or that will turn out, and whether or not there isn’t something I can possibly do to make it happen faster, or better, or more completely to my own expectations…
Yes, it is true that this ego imbalance that I currently experience and am trying to gain Mastery over has followed me around for a long, long time. But I have one thing now that is weighing in and balancing it out, and that is my understanding of what True Absolute and Unconditional Love is. Of course I’ve always known what it is, but I haven’t always practiced it. You see even Beings in the higher dimensions can get bored sometimes. You think it doesn’t happen? Why do you think you are here experiencing all of this in the first place? Why do you think that our Creator Source created us and gave us personalities so that we could go out and have experiences? There is a need for constant building upon what already is – Love is an ever-growing thing. It expands Infinitely and therefor provides much opportunity for preventing boredom, but sometimes it still happens, and it is during those times that those of us who are predisposed to Creating try things that have never been tried before. We experience the cutting edge of Creative experience… sometimes maybe we go too far, but in those instances Creator always has a safety net, a way out, a preconceived notion of when to end the game so that everyone can go home and relax back into their existence and experience of True Love… the way it has always been, the way it is supposed to be.
So, what in the world am I rambling on about here, you might ask… oh, I don’t know… maybe I’m just bored and needed to create something to amuse myself with, or maybe I’m so excited by the prospects of what lies just ahead in our collective experience that I can barely contain myself and this writing aimlessly of subjects that are just titillating enough to get your attention, but not informative enough to really tell you anything of what you’d want to know, but give you just enough of a hint that you might just check in with your Higher Self to get a second opinion on what is REALLY going on here, is my way of passing the time until such a time as there is no more time, and Oh MAN, what a time we will have then!
Just sayin’… :-D